PARKER PALMER ON WHETHER OUR OWN LIFE HAS MEANING OR NOT

By Lori Carmody

I plan on having most of the posts on Gathering Grace be my own musings.  However, now and then, when I come across something that I believe is exceptional, I will be sharing the wisdom. 

Parker Palmer is a Quaker elder, educator and author of several books.  One of my favorite is Let Your Life Speak.  I have great respect for his insights. 

I hope you enjoy Parker’s article on the question of whether our life has meaning or not. 

"All that is in my power are my own intentions and my willingness to give myself to them."

"There's much I don's know about birds and trees, but this I know for sure:  they don't wonder or worry about whether their lives have meaning.  They simply be what they be and, in the process, serve people like me who are elevated by their presence."

"Once I understand that I'm not the sun at the center of anyone's solar system, I can step aside, stop casting a shadow everywhere I go, and allow the true sun to shine on everyone and everything..."

http://www.onbeing.org/blog/parker-palmer-the-big-question-does-my-life-have-meaning/8673

SNIFF & SCURRY, SONGS and SURRENDER

By Lori Carmody

Your child receives an unexpected diagnosis.  A relationship falls apart without your seeing it coming.  There are big adjustments at work and they involve you.  Your spiritual grounding disappears.  You have something – it is solid, foundational – and in the blink of an eye it’s not the same.    

Big or small changes…it really doesn’t matter.  Most of us have a difficult time accepting change.  When it presents itself to us, what do we do?  I tend to take the circuitous route to acceptance.  I hem and haw about how the change isn’t fair and how I really don’t want it.  On some level I am sad about my loss of safety (predictability = safety to me) and I get angry about not having the control to put things back “like they are supposed to be.”  I proclaim to those who will listen that this can’t happen because (A) I have worked hard (B) I have been loyal and (C)  blah blah blah.  After praying through my disappointment, anger and pain, I am led to steps that are more beneficial for handling my new normal:

1. A gem of a book tells an allegory about two mice (Sniff & Scurry) and two little people who spend their days in a maze hunting for cheese.  One day someone moves their cheese (cheese = change).  This isn’t a new book but I re-read it recently with new eyes as I processed “cheese” being moved personally and professionally in my life.  It was instrumental in helping me to move past fear and lack of control over what had changed for me and toward the gift of accepting and even welcoming the changes.  WHO MOVED MY CHEESE by Spencer Johnson, MD – a great find!

2.  Somewhere in a book by Brene Brown, Ph.D., she spoke about finding SONGS for times when we are going through hardships.  I remember immediately grabbing onto that suggestion and have been choosing “theme songs” for the events in my life ever since. For example, when I was considering starting this blog, I came face to face with fear.  I had started a few other blogs over the years but I never had the courage to actually post them.  This time I chose a theme song and sang it whenever fear was getting the best of me.  My song?  What Faith Can Do by Kutless https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1JBSQMkQEo .  I would sing out loud (in a sub-par voice!) “Everybody falls sometimes” when I felt badly for the times in the past when I hadn’t enough courage to go public.  I’d belt out “I’ve seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered….” when I would figure out one more part of the site or tell someone about my plans.  Other songs I have claimed over the years:      

·        *     I Believe by Diamond Rio https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EsXpvOUtz3c when my father In law and other beloved family and friends passed away;

·        *     Better than a Hallelujah by Amy Grant https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zi7OXmTmgGg when I am sad;

·        *     Slipping Through My Fingers by Meryl Strepp https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rm5kx3xqmg0 when my youngest (Kaitie) was in her senior year of high school

·        *     Hallelujah by Bon Jovi https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RSJbYWPEaxw  when our friend and neighbor (Kristy) died. 

As Brene says, singing, dancing and laughter help us to show up and be brave.  Try it!

3. Finally I come back around to prayer but in a much different way from the bargaining that I start out with when changes first arrive on my doorstep.  Now, after step # 1 & # 2, instead of asking God to change the situation, I now am able to SURRENDER my agenda and pray for courage to believe that this change will ultimately be for the good of myself and my family.  When Abraham was 90 years old, God invited him to change his address, his family, his work, everything (Genesis 12).  When he told his wife, Sarah, about them having a baby, she laughed  (Genesis 18). This is symbolic of my prayer going forward.  I have the choice to surrender my plans to what God can do with the changes that have emerged or not.  With gratitude for what will be, trust that I have all I need to enjoy the “new cheese” and a bit of humor I step into the new adventure.   

“Life is no straight and easy corridor along which we travel free and unhampered, but a maze of passages, through which we must seek our way, lost and confused, now and again checked in a blind alley.  But always, if we have faith, a door will open for us, not perhaps one that we ourselves would ever have thought of, but one that will ultimately prove good for us.”    ~ A. J. Cronin

PRAYER STARTER #1

Please reflect on this photograph and let it lead you into prayer.  May you find that imagination and creativity walk alongside you as you hold the image in your mind, heart and soul.

Each month I hope to share with our Gathering Grace community one or two of the reflections that my photograph inspired.  

If you would like to submit a prayer/poem/reflection, please email me at Lori.Carmody@outlook.com.

CALLING ON ANGELS

By Lori Carmody

It is just how it happens.  We think that we are doing something because we have planned for it to turn out this way or maybe a wonderful coincidence lined things up for it to occur only to find out that more has been in the works than we could have even imagined.

Last week we ran into a friend we haven’t seen in years.  She graciously invited us to the Seattle Symphony’s annual 10 Grands fundraiser that benefits schools and community programs with music and performing arts programs.  A wonderful coincidence …or so we thought. 

As many tabloids, blogs and books will testify, we are a generation that is weighed down with caring for both our children and our parents.  Whether that is our personal situation or one we share because of supporting those in this situation, there are times when the weight is heavy.  This has been a week for me of walking beside mothers who are nearing the ends of their rope as the school year winds down.  They are feeling s-t-r-e-t-c-h-e-d to hold one more crying toddler while running another to sports practice all the while coaxing homework to be done, rallying to prepare dinner and planning for summer time fun.   It also has been a month of watching my tribe of women friends navigate the worries and demands of caring for their elderly parents as they have heart attacks, falls, increased dementia, moving from home to assisted living to nursing care facilities.  With each transition comes the heaviness of realizing that their roles are flux – at one moment it being clear who is the parent and who is the child and that clarity slipping away perhaps a few moments later.   

Sitting at Benroya Hall listening to the beautiful 10 grand pianos playing everything from Mozart to Twinkle Twinkle to Ragtime Boogie, a song is performed by Michael Allen Harrison and sung by Haley Johnsen that breaks into my entire month and sheds illuminating light on all the people and places I have traveled alongside.  “Calling On Angels ~  your wings my shelter, Calling On Angels ~ following me. I hear your voices lifing my spirits, whispering love songs of beautiful dreams. “

Exhausted moms ~ Calling On Angels Your Wings Are My Shelter.  Worried daughters and sons ~ I Hear Your Voices Lifting My Spirits. 

For all of us who find life burdensome today for so many reason ~ When Were Together We Can Move Mountains, Calling On Angels, Never Alone.

https://soundcloud.com/mahsuperband/calling-on-angels-vocal-version

WHAT HAS BEEN. WHAT IS. WHAT WILL BE.

By Lori Carmody

Today I turn 60. I have been reflecting on all that my 59 years of life have brought and I have to say, all is well with my soul. As one current country western song says "There's been highs, there's been lows, fast lane freeways and bumpy roads. Cursed the devil and prayed to heaven...ain't it crazy how we got here!"

My overriding sense as I walk into this new decade of life is GRATITUDE - for all that has been, what is, and what will be.

WHAT HAS BEEN: Time has a way of making the past seem ideal. However, when I look back to the home and family life I was blessed to be raised in, I recognize the extravagant gift that was given to me. Entering the adult world with cellular knowledge that I was and am known and loved both by God and by my family has made a profound difference in how the balance of my life has played out. It is one of my deepest desires that I give my children these same extravagant gifts for their grounding.

WHAT IS: I continue to discover, more and more each day, how little I need to assure my happiness. In fact, I don’t even strive for happy any more. Who knew?!! I long for peace, Deep abiding peace that feeds my heart and soul.  Spending time in relationships with family, community and in ministry is the fabric of “what is” for me these days.

WHAT WILL BE: I have been a spiritual director for over 25 years. It has been deeply enriching work. I also have written retreats, talks, cards, songs, and personal journals all of my life.

It has been said that “a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step” (Lao Tzu). "What will be", at least in the near future, consists in part with these entries on Gathering Grace that I want to share with you.  I look forward to passing along my musings, photography, resources, and hopefully humor as well.

If you would like to come along on this journey with me, sign up to receive new entries by email.

Thank you for reading. Let the journey begin…

3 GRATEFUL THINGS FOR 7 DAYS

By Lori Carmody

A few years ago I was invited to participate in a “3 Grateful Things for 7 Days” challenge on Facebook. I received much feedback from fb friends asking that I continue the practice and/or copy my reflections for them. Although humbled by the request, here is the copy requested. May we all follow the invitation to notice the small things in life that beg our gratitude daily and give thanks.

“3 Grateful Things for 7 Days"

I was asked by my friend, Maria Elston Barrett to do the "3 Grateful Things for 7 Days" challenge. I continue the challenge by inviting: Jacquie Tilden ~ because when I read your fb entries &/or see your photos, they speak to my spirit; Mary Champion ~ because you are not only kind but hilarious and so often make my day with your take on the world; Sharon Loun ~ because seeing your posts remind me of love of family as well as I feel as though we are kindred spirits.

DAY 1 – 08/25/14

1. SENSES. I did the Ice Bucket Challenge today. I am grateful for my senses. Man, that ice & water were cold! But I could feel them and also the warm sun and I was able to see the beautiful eagle that flew over the EC parents on Sunday after my talk @ the Social. I smelled Kaitie's fresh clean hair as we hugged goodnight after she showered before bed. Taste, see, hear, smell, touch... gift!!

2. MEMORIES. What has emerged for me after posting the video on ALS last week and seeing Monica Rose's "like" as well as doing the challenge today was the memory of the St. Louise 8th Grade graduation dance when Monica and her Dad, Lorne, danced together. What a beautiful memory that is for all of us that were with them that night. Memories are gifts that touch our minds, our hearts and our souls.

3. LAUGHTER. Life has ups and downs. At times it seems as though there is a great deal of pain. And yet, I find that in each day laughter and joy make appearances. I am exceedingly grateful for the days that are filled with happiness. However, when days are tough, I am deeply grateful for the small moments when God (Grace, the Universe, Higher Power) breaks through and I am gifted - as I always am - with the beautiful gift of a reason to laugh.

Day 2 – 08/26/14

1. BIRTHDAYS. I find they give me a reason to tell people that I sometimes don't see or talk to as often as I wish that they are important to me and that I am glad they were born. B-days are a lovely opportunity to share with loved ones that I feel it a great fortune to have the birthday person in my life. BTW - sorry I missed talking with you today, Gale XOXO

2. EXTENDED FAMILY. Today I was surprised by an unexpected phone call from a beloved cousin and it got me thinking that one of God's best plans was that we are born into a family that grows through the years & continues to bring more and more people into the fold. A new niece will be joining the family this weekend as Jeremy Burdett and Kate Hudson get married. In June a new grand nephew joined our family as Michael Zachau and Leslie Zachau brought Owen into the world. The family I grew up with is golden ... the newest members are silver. Silver and Gold are all beautiful gifts that I treasure.

3. "LET YOUR FAITH BE BIGGER THAN YOUR FEAR". I am grateful for the times like today when I choose to do something even though I am nervous to step out. I find if I can take a big breath, and trust that I have all that is needed within myself, all will be well. I will be glad that I reached within and found the courage and the faith to do what my soul has nudged me to do.

Day 3 – 08/27/14

1. BACK TO SCHOOL COFFEE. Ever since Matt's first day of Kindergarten Tom and I have been going out for coffee after Matt and Kaitie have gotten to school. Today, Kaitie started her senior year ~ and Tom & I celebrated with our annual BTS coffee - blessing our kiddos as they embark on the new year. I am grateful for the tradition we started at Cool Beans on Front Street so many years ago with tears in my eyes as my little 5 year old started kindergarden. Today, perhaps a tear fell as well, as my senior began her final year of high school but my heart was full. It was a good morning.

2. DOGS. Yesterday was National Dog Day. Who knew? Haha! I am grateful for the dogs who have blessed our home ~ Tucker who is now 8 years old, and both Rhody and Dandy who were both wonderful labs and part of our family for many years. I am also thankful for the neighbors dogs that our family has gotten to love through the years ~ Max (Tilden), Jo (Powers) and Milo (Fike) to name a few. "A true friend leaves paw prints on your heart".

3. KINDNESS. Today I had a plan. To say it didn't work out is an understatement. I was very disappointed. In sharing my sadness, I was shown kindness that deeply touched my heart. It didn't change the fact that my plans didn't work out and yet, it made all the difference in the world. The longer I live, the more I realize that it really doesn't matter what one does for a living or how they look or where they live. Kindness matters.

Day 4 – 08/28/14

1. WORDS. I am grateful for words. Anyone who has seen my kitchen blackboard or written on my kitchen counter tile can attest to that. A few of my favorite recent quotes that I have run across are: ~ Stay close to anything that makes you glad that you are alive. ~ A woman's heart must be so hidden in God that a man has to seek God to find her. (by Maya Angelou) ~ I want to loose 10 #s this month. I only have 13 to go!

2. GO COUGS! There are at least 2 things that come to mind today to be most grateful about because I get to be a WSU Coug. There is this thing called the Cougar Nation & it isn't just a saying. The spirit of the Coug Nation is tangible and strong. It is an inclusive community that supports everyone in it regardless of age, background, or current circumstance. Besides that, I happen to believe in the words of Jesus Christ "Blessed are the poor in spirit..." and everyone knows how rare a Coug winning season is. We have to be ok with being the underdogs and the cool thing is that we are. We cheer our beloved Cougs on with gusto and when we get a victory, it is so much fun. See you at the Clink tonight. Go Cougs!

3. BOOKS. I am grateful for the amazing authors and books I have the privilege of enjoying. One of my recent favorites is Maraaget Silf's Just Call Me Lopez. Enjoy!

Day 5 – 08/29/14

1. GOLDEN SUNSETS. Last night looking over Seattle as we wound our way around the Clink, I saw the sunset and thought back to so many golden sunsets we have gotten this incredible Summer 2014. I am grateful for how the sun sets, especially on water. My favorite is on Lake Kachess although it is also beautiful over Lake Sammamish and Lake Washington. Given the choice of golden sunsets the rest of my life or gold ~ I would choose sunsets.

2. FLAGS. My friend, Alex, who is currently studying at West Point, sent his mom, Andrea Duffy, a text about why he wants to serve in the military and prevent evil from directly entering our lives. I am so grateful, not just this Memorial Day Weekend, but every day for Alex and my nephews Dennis Carmody and Joseph Valverde and for all the men and women who serve our country. I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America... and I thank those who have and are defending me so that I can pledge my allegiance out loud and with my whole heart.

3. SHORTCOMINGS. I am grateful that my shortcomings have helped contribute to who I am today. However, I also am realizing that they do not define who I will become tomorrow. That remains to be seen. I am showing up with new dreams, improved skills, determination to remove character defects that I no longer want or need, and hope. I am thankful for what has been and open to what will be.

Day 6 – 08/30/14

1. PERSPECTIVE. The older I get the more I am grateful for perspective. Striving for excellence is a good thing. Striving for perfection is crazy making. Wanting things fair in a relationship isn't so bad. Insisting that they be equal every day is unrealistic. I make choices about how I see the world. If I make them consciously with my eyes open and with acceptance and love as the lens I look through, my perspective seems pretty grounded.

2. HUGS: I am grateful for the hugs I receive - not just from my family and close friends (although I can't get too many from them :)) but hugs from acquaintances that say "It is nice we've connected or directees that tell me our time together was meaningful. Hugs from little children after they have shown me a dance or treasure from school. It can be a symbolic hug such as a text that says I'm being thought about. Or a huge smile when I catch eyes with someone across the produce aisle at the store that I know and haven't seen from a while. I am grateful for the "hugs" I get some someone calls or emails sharing their heartache. Hugs are gifts to me no matter what form they are in when they arrive at my heart. They are also gifts I give to others. And when my arms can't reach people who are close to me, I always "hug" them with my prayers.

3. LEARNING: We were delightfully surprised when a friend dropped by last night. Tom, Kaitie, Cathy and I got into a discussion about how great it is to be a lifelong learner once you are out of school and able to freely choose what you invest your time to learn. Full agreement from everyone there! Last year I chose to take part in our church's bible study of the Gospel of Matthew that is based on William Barclay's text. I've attended several bible studies over the years. This easy going, down to earth group with Barclay's insightful study is the best I have ever been to. I learned so much about Jesus and myself too through the study. We start up again on Thur, Sept. 18 12:30-2:00. Wanna join our little group? I would be so grateful to see you there.

Day 7 of 7 – 08/31/14

1. GRATITUDE. Is that weird to be grateful for gratitude? Oh well, I am. It seems that the gift of gratitude has been a life changer for me. There are probably some fancy words and big time studies behind it. I don't know. What I am aware of is that when I am in a place of deep gratitude and humility, it is like I am moving with the current of the river. Life flows easily. It moves me beyond myself to others and it seems to move others back in a loving way towards me. I can't explain it. I just have experienced it. Each day there is so much to be grateful for that it astounds me, even on some pretty rough days. Blessings surround us if we have eyes to see and a grateful heart to receive.

2. TOM. Tom & I are part of the pre-marriage ministry at St. Joes. When we work with couples, we often get a "feel" for those couples who have a good connection as they head into marriage. It's not that we have the talents of Gottman or anything but we can usually tell a lot by spending a few evenings with the couples. When there is a special kindness, a spark, a connection ~ it is unmistakable. It is a match made in heaven. This is how I feel when I am with Tom. He is my match from heaven. I am and will be eternally grateful for his presence in my life. He brings stability, wisdom, humor, kindness, strength, prayerfulness and love to me and to our family. I am thankful I have the honor of being Tom's wife.

3. MATT and KAITIE. It isn't by accident that the final entry of this 7 day challenge is my gratitude for my beloved children. Sunsets, flags, learning, etc. may come and go and of course I would be sad. However, the love I have for my children will never be diminished. Gratitude overflows in my heart from the privilege I've been given to be Matt and Kaitie's mom. What a blessing!!!