SNIFF & SCURRY, SONGS and SURRENDER

By Lori Carmody

Your child receives an unexpected diagnosis.  A relationship falls apart without your seeing it coming.  There are big adjustments at work and they involve you.  Your spiritual grounding disappears.  You have something – it is solid, foundational – and in the blink of an eye it’s not the same.    

Big or small changes…it really doesn’t matter.  Most of us have a difficult time accepting change.  When it presents itself to us, what do we do?  I tend to take the circuitous route to acceptance.  I hem and haw about how the change isn’t fair and how I really don’t want it.  On some level I am sad about my loss of safety (predictability = safety to me) and I get angry about not having the control to put things back “like they are supposed to be.”  I proclaim to those who will listen that this can’t happen because (A) I have worked hard (B) I have been loyal and (C)  blah blah blah.  After praying through my disappointment, anger and pain, I am led to steps that are more beneficial for handling my new normal:

1. A gem of a book tells an allegory about two mice (Sniff & Scurry) and two little people who spend their days in a maze hunting for cheese.  One day someone moves their cheese (cheese = change).  This isn’t a new book but I re-read it recently with new eyes as I processed “cheese” being moved personally and professionally in my life.  It was instrumental in helping me to move past fear and lack of control over what had changed for me and toward the gift of accepting and even welcoming the changes.  WHO MOVED MY CHEESE by Spencer Johnson, MD – a great find!

2.  Somewhere in a book by Brene Brown, Ph.D., she spoke about finding SONGS for times when we are going through hardships.  I remember immediately grabbing onto that suggestion and have been choosing “theme songs” for the events in my life ever since. For example, when I was considering starting this blog, I came face to face with fear.  I had started a few other blogs over the years but I never had the courage to actually post them.  This time I chose a theme song and sang it whenever fear was getting the best of me.  My song?  What Faith Can Do by Kutless https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1JBSQMkQEo .  I would sing out loud (in a sub-par voice!) “Everybody falls sometimes” when I felt badly for the times in the past when I hadn’t enough courage to go public.  I’d belt out “I’ve seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered….” when I would figure out one more part of the site or tell someone about my plans.  Other songs I have claimed over the years:      

·        *     I Believe by Diamond Rio https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EsXpvOUtz3c when my father In law and other beloved family and friends passed away;

·        *     Better than a Hallelujah by Amy Grant https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zi7OXmTmgGg when I am sad;

·        *     Slipping Through My Fingers by Meryl Strepp https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rm5kx3xqmg0 when my youngest (Kaitie) was in her senior year of high school

·        *     Hallelujah by Bon Jovi https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RSJbYWPEaxw  when our friend and neighbor (Kristy) died. 

As Brene says, singing, dancing and laughter help us to show up and be brave.  Try it!

3. Finally I come back around to prayer but in a much different way from the bargaining that I start out with when changes first arrive on my doorstep.  Now, after step # 1 & # 2, instead of asking God to change the situation, I now am able to SURRENDER my agenda and pray for courage to believe that this change will ultimately be for the good of myself and my family.  When Abraham was 90 years old, God invited him to change his address, his family, his work, everything (Genesis 12).  When he told his wife, Sarah, about them having a baby, she laughed  (Genesis 18). This is symbolic of my prayer going forward.  I have the choice to surrender my plans to what God can do with the changes that have emerged or not.  With gratitude for what will be, trust that I have all I need to enjoy the “new cheese” and a bit of humor I step into the new adventure.   

“Life is no straight and easy corridor along which we travel free and unhampered, but a maze of passages, through which we must seek our way, lost and confused, now and again checked in a blind alley.  But always, if we have faith, a door will open for us, not perhaps one that we ourselves would ever have thought of, but one that will ultimately prove good for us.”    ~ A. J. Cronin