5 SOUTH

By Lori Carmody

There is a saying, “Do it with passion or not at all!”  Done.  For two full weeks and counting I have passionately been achy, congested, running a temperature, coughing and I have been down and out. 

I got sick on Thanksgiving.  Every year since my children were old enough, after Thanksgiving dinner was finished and everyone was on their way home, our family would hunker down with the fire lit and watch the comedy, Christmas Vacation.  This year I slept through most of the movie.  Then on Saturday evening, before the kids headed out of town, we planned dinner out and to take in Snowflake Lane.  I barely survived dinner and had to pass on seeing the snowflakes. 

Being the traditionalist that I am, it made me sad to miss out on these usual festivities.  As I laid in bed after they left on Sunday, I got to thinking of years past.  So many wonderful memories of our family, grandparents, and others lingered in my mind and on my heart. 

In the Exercises of St. Ignatius, he encourages us to regularly notice the grace given to us by God.  For years I have taken this advice and intentionally taken stalk of what “consolations” came my way each day (what I was most grateful for; what had given me joy, peace, contentment that day).  Now, as I was reminded of years gone by and the sweet memories of many consolations that had been given to me during Advent, I realized that although I wasn’t able to partake in activities this past week, I had many graces to savor. 

One of the treasures that rose in my heart from years gone by came from 1999.  My mom had taken a tragic fall suffering head wounds and multiple strokes.  At the time she was living at Providence Mount Saint Vincent Nursing Home.   The following is a portion of what I wrote in our Christmas letter that year.

“On the 9^th of December, “5 South” (the nursing home floor where Lori’s Mom lives) was having their annual “trim the tree” gathering.  Kaitlyn and Lori spent the evening with Mom Zirkle.  Kaitie charmed all the residents with her excitement over hanging ornaments, eating cookies and candy canes, and dancing to LOUD Christmas carols (so the residents who are hard of hearing could hear).  One woman that we have seen over the past several months was smiling with Kaitie …we’d never seen her smile before.  A few other folks turned down encouragement by the Activities Director to decorate the tree; that is until Kaitlyn gave them an ornament to hang and walked them over to show them where to place it.  After the tree was decorated, the residents gathered around for a group picture and, of course, they wanted Kaitlyn in it.  Then we put on jammies – a new nightie with little Christmas snowmen all over it – and you should have heard the rounds of ohh’s and ahh’s as she twirled and danced for all to see.

Luke 1:26-36 tells us about a virgin having a child, Jesus, the redeemer.  It really makes no sense that this was God’s answer to a suffering, needy world.  No sense, that is, until we remember what another child did a few weeks ago for a suffering, needy nursing home floor.  Then we begin to understand that a child was God’s only answer to save the world … and it was a dancing, smiling, including, feasting, grand answer at that! "

When I followed the sage advice of St. Ignatius and savored this memory, I was deeply consoled.  It brought back feelings of the joy that I experienced that evening in 5 South.  It also reminded me that I was not alone.  God had walked with me and my family during that time of deep desolation as we watched our mother suffer.  

On this particular Sunday when I was tempted to feel sad for what I had missed out on over the Thanksgiving weekend, I again discovered that God meets me wherever I am at and shows me how to “dance, smile, include, feast and to love”. 

So think about it ~ despite the goodness and/or frustrations of your day ~ what memories of the past can you rest in today that may console you of truth, of hope and of God’s profound and sustaining love? 

When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations delight my soul.  Psalm 94:19 

Thanks for reading. 

Lori

ADVENT - CULTIVATING OUR RESPONSE

By Lori Carmody

Right when many of us are gearing up big time for Christmas and Hanakkah by filling out our shopping lists, preparing for holiday parties, and beginning to work on cards our Church and Temple call us to pause and to reflect on the bigger questions of life about God and our place before our Creator.   Say what?!!!

In the Christian Church, the season of Advent began last Sunday.  One of my favorite authors, Jan Richardson (an ordained United Methodist minister), invites us to pause ~ wait ~ linger ~ behold.

                    "The season of Advent means there is something on the horizon the
                     likes of  which we have never seen before..  It is not possible to keep
                     it from coming, because it will.  That's just how Advent works.
                     What is possible is to not see it, to miss it, to turn just as it brushes
                     past you.  And you begin to grasp what it was you missed, like Moses
                     in the cleft of the rock, watching God fade in the distance.  So stay.
                     Sit.  Linger.  Tarry.  Ponder.  Wait.  Behold.  Wonder.  There will be
                     time enough for running. For worrying.  For pushing.  For now, stay.
                     Wait.  Something is on the horizon."  ~ Jan Richardson

One way I am embracing the daily exercise of waiting is with a daily email that I signed up to receive from Loyola Press.  SACRED ADVENT, presented by the Irish Jesuits, is a free Advent series.  I have been receiving it each day since Nov 27and have not only enjoyed the prayers but also the Advent Action suggestions at the bottom of the devotion.  Here is the link if you would like to sign up for the free series http://www.loyolapress.com/our-catholic-faith/liturgical-year/advent/sacred-advent-retreat

Perhaps you may enjoy seeing an example of an Advent Action.  "Making Room This Advent" was one of the actions for Nov. 30th.  Enjoy.  http://www.ignatianspirituality.com/23016/making-room-this-advent?utm_source=SacredAdvent&utm_medium=email&utm_content=20161130&utm_campaign=Advent2016

If taking time every day to tarry, ponder, wonder and behold, feels unreachable, maybe this video might captured the essence of the season for you.  It is called Gratitude.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2egMSliB8DE

English

https://www.ted.com/talks/louie_schwartzberg_nature_beauty_gratitude?language=es

Spanish

There isn't any magic formula required in order to arrive at Christmas and/or Hanukkah feeling as though you have entered into the Sacred.  Simply open your heart and cultivate your response to the Holy.

Thanks for reading.
Lori

PS  I invite my Jewish readers to email me with recommendations on books, websites, devotionals, authors, that are your go to's for Hanakkah(Chanukah)  and other Jewish Holy Days.  Thank you.
 

OPEN MY EYES

By Lori Carmody

Last summer I got the fun idea to feed our daughter’s cheer team a meal after a game near our home since they would have a four-hour drive back to college. 

Last summer it was 75 degrees and sunny.

On Saturday, when my husband and I served dinner to the team, it was 54 degrees and it not only rained; it downpoured.  There were four quarters to the football game and at the end of each quarter I prayed, “P-L-E-A-S-E, God, have the time clock run down!” 

As we schlopped the food from our car to the tables underneath the canopy, we walked through a parking lot that, on this day, might have qualified for an Olympics swimming venue!  

We managed to get everything set up and ready for the team just as they were about to arrive.  I looked over at my sopping wet husband (who goes along with so many of my “fun ideas”).  All he said was, “kinda rainy today.”   I burst out laughing.

The puddle on the northwest corner of the canopy that was “keeping us dry” grew so large that, while we were having dinner, comments were made about our lovely “lake front” tailgate location J!

This unexpected and unwanted experience reminded me of a couple things.  Next time life throws me a curve ball, I need to name my new truth ~ “kinda rainy today” ~ and begin to “live and help live” (one of my favorite Bill Moyer quotes).  Most likely I am not the only one who is facing the new reality.    I can make life miserable for myself and everyone else by how I react to the situation or I can consciously embrace what is present before me and live in such a way that I help others to deal right along with me.

The parking lot may have been flooded with no end in sight to the rain.  We couldn’t do anything about that.  We could choose our attitude and laughing warmed us from the inside out.  Seeing our day with a “lake front location”  didn’t change the weather or the ground beneath our feet but it very well may have made all the difference in the world.

Thanks for reading my blog.  I appreciate it. 

J Lori

HOLDING SPACE FOR HOPE

By Lori Carmody

It is 3 days until an election that has ignited our Nation.  More of us have been having political conversations than ever before in recent history.  I find that a refreshing and positive take away from what otherwise has been an awful political season.

As I reflect on what has transpired, I would like to suggest a few tasks for us to consider along with voting:

1. We, as a nation, brought forth two deeply flawed individuals for the highest elected office in our country.  That says something about all of us.  It is my hope that we can begin to deeply ponder where we need to grow individually so that the collective whole may rise to higher standards in the future. 

Reflection :  What does “one Nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all” mean to me personally?  How do I listen to God’s invitation to remember that I am loved and created for this moment, this time and this country in which I live.

2. No matter what political party we identify with (or whether we choose to not identify with one) we are likely to have mixed feelings and some regrets on Wednesday morning, November 9^th.  I remember being so very sad after the election where Washington State voted to accept the measure called “Death with Dignity."  I was listening to the radio that morning when it was suggested to plant some spring bulbs, remembering that, with God, there is always hope.  I went out that day and bought some daffodil bulbs.  As I was down on my knees planting each bulb I whispered, “With God, all things are possible.”  (Matt 19:26). 

May I suggest that we buy some spring bulbs and get them in the ground this week?  I have purchased some crocus bulbs.  No matter who wins our presidential and state elections, God has this!  Take hope!!  The flowers will bloom in the spring and they will remind us what the words of Jeremiah 29 proclaim, “I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord.  Plans for a future and a hope.” 

Reflection:  What does it mean for me to be a person of hope?  Is there a “bulb” -  be it an actual flower bulb or a song, verse, photograph, action - that reminds me of hope?  How can I let it inform me today?

3. I have intentionally made it a point to talk with people on both sides of the aisle.  I was seeking to understand politically why choices were being made as well as I wanted to listen to people’s heads and hearts about what was impacting them personally as the election season was getting more and more heated.  I believe there is going to be deep grief in some of us or our neighbors after the results come in.  We need to “hold space” for our neighbors as they sort through their thoughts and feelings.  I was sent a fantastic article a while back.  It gives lovely advice on how to listen well.  I encourage you to read it.  http://upliftconnect.com/hold-space/

Being a spiritual director for over 20 years, I know that grief has its own time line.  I hope that we can be present to one another for however long it takes to grieve this electoral season.  Individually we need to heal and we, as God’s people, must hold one another tenderly moving forward.   

Reflection:  “If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other”  ~ Mother Teresa  What am I feeling as I reflect on this quote today?

If we are dismayed with the electoral process, devastated by the results, noticing that people we know are upset, bummed out about one of the proposition that didn’t go our way, or simply exhausted by the past couple months of commercials, I will end with the prayer by Henri Nouwen (that I also have now in the Bold Faith portion of the blog).  “If life knocks you on your knees, and it will, why not stay there?” 

Thanks for joining me on the blog today.

Lori

PS  I want to thank Johanna and her daughter (who I don’t even know but who graciously sent the Holding Space article to her mom for me).  Because of both of you, all my readers are blessed!  On this same note, thank you to all of you who have forwarded my blog onto others encouraging them to sign up.  I so appreciate you!  Blessings. 

PRAYER STARTER # 4

Please reflect on this photograph and let it lead you into prayer.
May you find that imagination and creativity walk alongside you as you hold the image.

Each month I will share with you one reflection that the photograph inspires.

IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO SUBMIT A PRAYER, POEM, OR REFLECTION (& I hope you do) PLEASE EMAIL IT TO ME AT Lori. Carmody@outlook.com

PRAYER STARTER # 3 
This is a selection from what was submitted in response to Prayer Starter # 3 (below)

Thank you, Oh Lord, for driving me safely so far.  There is a long, unknown road yet to travel but I thank you in advance for driving me safely along.  I pray that I don't decide to take the wheel, perhaps detouring unnecessarily.  Please drive me as we make a prayerful decision on upcoming plans.  In your good Name I thank you.
~ Anonymous

Note:  Deep gratitude to all who submitted prayers for Prayer Starter # 1-3.  I want to remind you that prayers, poems and reflections may be emailed to me with the request that I post them with your names or initials or anonymously.  Again, thank you!

Thanks for reading.
Lori

SALTWATER GOSPEL

 By Lori Carmody

When life has pushed hard on your body and soul, where do you go for grounding, restoration, and rejuvenation?  Many of us turn to prayer -  our daily practice, our refuge, our last resort.  And yet, if asked, who of us would be able to define prayer and why have we come to rely on it?  Do we pray in order to get what we want or in hopes that prayer will change what we desire so that we are at peace with whatever happens to be the outcome? 

What if neither of these are the goal of our prayer?  What if, instead, we pray because we have found that prayer changes us as we engage in turning our stubborn will over to something larger than our individual self.  Perhaps we have found that prayer helps us move from an “I” to “we” point of view and that wider vantage point is attractive to us. 

I love to pray in the quiet of an adoration chapel.  It soothes my frazzled soul from the busyness of everyday life.  However, when I find myself not grounded, overly emotional, and in need of guidance to know what the next best thing is for me to do, I head to Lake Kachess.  Dangling my feet in the cold, clear water and gazing on the tall trees and rugged mountains allows me to let go of my need to control and enables my thoughts to move from my small world of concerns to broader horizons.  Somehow in that time at the lake my selfishness diminishes and God’s beauty of creation grows so that once again in my mind and heart – and especially my will - God is God and I am not.  I am able to consecrate my whole being – needy, sinful, fearful, loving, capable, my all – over to the One who is my home beyond this home.  I walk away remembering that I am sustained in Grace and that I don’t walk alone – ever!  God is with me.

I also become aware that God is with each of us – always! And we are all connected to one another.  It isn’t me/my/I.  That illusion melts away and I re-awaken to the collective "we" who are traveling together on this journey called life. 

Where do you go to be reminded of the grace of your holy purpose beyond the grind of everyday life?  Does your schedule allow you time to occasionally be in that space – be it at the ocean, in the woods, on your back porch, in your favorite rocking chair, soaking in a bathtub,  …..?  If not, please remember that prayer is mysteriously transformative. 

What adjustments might you make to your schedule this week so that you can be changed into the person God has intended you to be?

Today, as I sit at the water’s edge writing this reflection, my prayer for you and for me is that each of us may find places and times to connect deeply to the reality beyond us.  My hope is that we find moments where we are “as close to God as we can get” for surely from that place we will emerge changed by God’s transforming Grace.   

Please enjoy the Eli Young Band’s new song, Saltwater Gospel.  Although Lake Kachess isn’t saltwater, this song touches on the holiness I feel at the water’s edge. 

https://www.google.com/?gws_rd=ssl#q=saltwater+gospel

Thanks for reading.

Lori

THE SOFTENING OF SUFFERING

By Lori Carmody

Have you ever accompanied someone as they suffered in pain?  I am not talking about the “skinned knee that will be better in a couple days kind of hurt.”  No.  I am referring to the type  pain, be it physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, or economic that takes a hold of a person and doesn’t let go. 

Recently I walked along-side of my uncle as he suffered with nerve damage with resulting pain that shot through his back and legs.  Medication only took the edge off.  Surgical procedures were ineffective.  Pain persisted.

Whether we are basically healthy with an occasional bout of pain or ill with an on-going medical condition, most of us have battles we face.  It’s just the human condition.

In my uncle’s case, he didn’t want to be constantly complaining or to be a burden to his family.  Just like with my uncle, our aches and pains are, for the most part, suffered in silence as well.  

What, then, are we to do other than to stay silent and suffer in pain, when the best medicine has to offer isn’t enough for us or those we love?  Where do we turn for strength and a dose of courage?  For each of us the answers may be unique for our particular personality.  Yet, there very well may be three concepts that together we can consider for sustenance.

• We can bring our requests to God.  No thought, prayer, petition, desire, or wish is too small or insignificant when brought before God. Nor is there anything too large for which to seek God’s help.  We make God small when we limit the help we will ask for by thinking we shouldn’t bother God with something too small or by assuming God isn’t interested in our personal lives.  We can and should ask God for anything we want and need. Putting our hopes and dreams into God’s hands and knowing we are heard by a loving Presence is doing something.  It is trusting God and it is caring for you and your loved ones.
• In many conversations with my uncle, he expressed the difficulty of living with acute, chronic pain.  Yet each time he shared about this, he’d follow that up by saying that when it got unbearable, he would “offer it up” to the good Lord to use his suffering to bless his family, especially those who were in battles of their own.  He wanted grace to pour over them as he continued to pray through his pain with submission.  We too can suffer for others whenever we silently take our pain and offer it to God, willingly accepting it on behalf of others.
• Often times with chronic pain we find it easier to shut out the world including shutting down our emotions around the pain and all that it has taken from us.  A recent quote by Kayla McClurg on suffering struck me as powerfully insightful: “If we don’t shut down, suffering softens us; carves out more capacity to receive what God wants to give.”  Although a more difficult path, the softening that occurs as we suffer and the gifts from God are without question.  This is one of the primary reasons for wholeheartedly opposing euthanasia.  These gifts are given and shared not only with those who are in pain but with the community supporting them. 

We have available to us the capacity to open ourselves to the softening grace of experiencing more and more of who we are by entering into every part of what life has to offer.  The choice is ours.  Will we enter fully?  Even our pain and suffering?  Blessings await us, if we have eyes to see and a heart open to receive the gift.

Thanks for reading.

Lori

BEHOLD YOUR MOTHER

By Lori Carmody

With news coming out in the Catholic world from Buenos Aires, Argentina announcing that the Marian apparition (Our Lady of the Rosary of San Nicolas) has been officially approved by Bishop Hector Cardelli of San Nicolas (http://www.catholicnewsagency.com/news/a-marian-apparition-has-been-approved-in-argentina---and-its-a-big-deal-31979/) it got me thinking about Mary.  When I was a little girl I remember during the summertime wanting to get done with dinner in record time so I could go back outside to play with my friends.  However, my mom would keep my dad, sister, and me around the kitchen table after we were done eating so we could all say the Rosary.  My mother had a special connection with Mary and she wanted us to develop a similar bond.  You never saw two young girls recite prayers so quickly as those evenings when 50 Hail Marys, 5 Our Fathers and 5 Glory Be’s were the hinge-pins between dinner and play!

In talking with friends who attend places of worship other than Catholic, I hear that Mary seldom comes up for them. That is not true for Catholics.  In our tradition, Mary is mentioned and celebrated throughout the year.  She holds a place of high honor.   

In my own life, I would describe Mary much as I would explain my relationship with my own mother.  I went to my mom when I was happy, sad, confused, alone, excited to share news…in other words basically any time I needed someone to confide in and to have my back.  Often I would ask my mom to pray for my family, friends, and co-workers.  I never left a conversation with her without feeling reassured that she had taken whatever was on my mind and heart to God.  In December of 2000, my mom passed away.  I continued to talk to her at times such as these but the consolation I felt wasn’t there like it used to be.  It was then that I began my search for Mary, blessed mother of Jesus.  She was who my mother had turned to for comfort and strength most of her adult life.  Perhaps the same would be true for me.

In the 16 years that I have invited God to reveal Mary to me, I have been surprised by the number of times and ways that blessings have shown up.  No, I have not seen apparitions and am wary of those who proclaim that they have.  However, I, like with my own mother, feel as though I never leave a conversation with Mary without feeling she has taken whatever is on my mind and heart to God.  

 Also, I have read the story of St. Bernadette at Lourdes, France (http://www.catholic.org/saints/saint.php?saint_id=1757) and have had relatives who have made pilgrimages to the grotto.  One of my cousins feels for certain that she received a small but definite healing from the water at Lourdes and I trust that this is so.  Catholic teaching does not require members to believe one way or another on either apparitions or miracles yet stories from people of deep faith are convincing to me. 

In everyday life, we often feel as though no one can fully understand what we are struggling with.  Yet, meditating on the life of Mary and her life in Christ has shown me how this feeling is limiting grace.   When those we love are being bullied, Mary understands how it feels to watch in horror.  Her son was unfairly judged and ridiculed.  When we question some of our church leaders and occasionally have trouble feeling at peace with some of decisions they are making, Mary must have been in our shoes as her leaders were meeting to discuss what to do with her son.  When someone in our family dies and we are in a daze wondering how this could have happened and how our life can go on, imagine how Mary must have felt.  When we pray and beg and ask God for something and it seems as though the answer is “no”, Mary too received such an answer when her beloved son asked for “the cup to pass” from him and it did not. 

Mary is in heaven.  We can be assured that not only does she hear our prayers but she takes every one of them to God on our behalf.  

I am not qualified to answer whether the Our Lady of the Rosary of San Nicolas apparition is authentic or not.  The ground I can safely stand on is that Mary has been a holy path leading me to a wider, more expansive experience of God.  Her message to me has consistently been one of prayer, peace, forgiveness and devotion to God.  My discernment with Our Lady of the Rosary of San Nicolas is the same as in my own journey of faith.  If it leads me deeper into the loving arms of God and service to those around me, most assuredly it is a message I need to pay attention to.

Note:  I would be remiss if I wrote a blog about Mary, mentioning my dear mother, and didn't add to it my mom's favorite prayer of intercession.  In loving memory of Agnes Zirkle and the example of faith she was not only to our family but to countless others:

THE MEMORARE

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary that never was it known that anyone who fled to Thy protection, implored Thy help, and sought Thy intercession was left unaided.  Inspired with this confidence, I fly unto Thee, O Virgin of virgins, My Mother!  To Thee I come; before Thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful.  Oh Mother of the Word Incarnate!  Despise not my petitions, but, in Thy mercy, hear and answer me.  Amen.

Thank you for reading this week.  

Lori

PRAYER STARTER #3

Please reflect on this photograph and let it lead you into prayer.  
May you find that imagination and creativity walk alongside you as you hold the image.  

Each month I will share with you one reflection that my photograph inspired.  

              IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO SUBMIT A PRAYER, POEM, or REFLECTION
              (and I hope you do)
               PLEASE EMAIL IT TO ME @ Lori.Carmody@Outlook.com

PRAYER STARTER #2 (Dated June 9, 2016)

This is a selection from what was submitted in response to Prayer Starter # 2 (below).

"Even as I hide in the shadows of despair I feel you with me, O God, waiting beside me until I am ready.  Then, like a precious friend, you gently lead me into the light again."  
- DJ (Renton, WA)

Note:  Deep gratitude to all who submitted prayers for Prayer Starter 1 & 2.  I want to remind you that prayers, poems and reflections may be emailed to me with the request that I post them with your names, initials or anonymously.  Again, thank you. 

Thanks for reading.  

4th OF JULY .... A GOOD TIME TO LISTEN

By Lori Carmody

I was on my way to a birthday celebration with a dear friend when we began talking about whether we wanted to let the evening delve into politics.  We knew there would be people on both ends of the political spectrum attending the dinner.  Even the two of us saw such hot topics as the race to the white house, gun legislation, the minimum wage debate, what falls under the umbrella of pro-life and other subjects much differently.  We decided to share our thoughts and opinions on the car ride and if we could listen respectfully and understand one another during our 15 minutes alone, then together we would be able to facilitate the discussion if it came up with the others later that evening.  I am happy to report that we survived the ride and even enjoyed the dialog!

This Monday our country celebrates 4th of July.  It’s a day for liberals and conservatives, republicans and democrats, young and old, rich and poor, our many races, religions, and diversities of all  kinds to come together to celebrate our heritage.  Will that happen at picnics, in parks and at family gatherings or will we take the opportunity to cause further division in our land by how we talk or not talk with one another?

I choose to conduct myself on the 4^th of July as the role models below have demonstrated in the lives they have lived:

Supreme Court Justices Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Antonin Scalia could not have been more divergent in their presence on the Supreme Court.  Ginsburg is as staunch a liberal as Scalia was a conservative.  However, they respected one another’s opinions and it was common knowledge that they were best friends.  How often today do we hear of people refusing to even speak to those with opposing views?  What ever happened to lively discussions that made both sides consider the topic of discussion leaving after hearing one another’s point of view having expanded their lens on what they were discussing?  In the words of Saint Bernadette, “My job is to inform, not to convince.”  What if, perhaps, we simply inform the people around us of our thoughts and let them freely choose to agree or disagree?  And then if, in turn, we hear what they have to say that will inform us.  Aren’t we both the wiser for listening?  Comedian Dick Cavett was known to have said, “It’s the rare person who wants to hear what he doesn’t want to hear.”  Let’s strive for rarity.   

This week in the Catholic Church we celebrated the Feast Day of Saint Peter and Saint Paul (June 29^th).  Although they were both giants in our church history, it is common knowledge that they were definitely not besties.  They had different personalities and as such, lived out their respective calls to ministry in their own individual ways.  God used both of them to build up the church.  They did not have to have the same approach to problems in order to be effective.  They also didn’t need to have the same gifts in order to get the job done.  They only needed to have a heart open to serve.    Perhaps this weekend we can stop criticizing how another is going to run the country, lead the church, make future rulings in the court and instead try to see how we all are on the same road of wanting churches to flourish and our country to be a place where America truly is “where God sheds His grace on thee…”

The Prayer of Saint Francis of Assisi is one of my favorites.  In it we ask God the favor of granting “that I may not so much seek to be understood as to understand.”   Blessed are we who are brave enough to live into these words.  

Thanks for reading.

ANGELS WHISPERING "GROW!" "GROW!"

They say the shortest distance between 2 points is a straight line.  However, when does life take us from one point to another in a straight line?  Rather, my path seems to resemble something more similar to

And yet, every time I set out with expectations that I will be traveling like this:

. Point A________________________________________________ .Point B

. Exercise_______________________________________________ .Lose 20 lbs.

. Meet a friend___________________________________________  .Life-long friendship

. Get a job______________________________________________  .Retirement

. Pray__________________________________________________ .Faith without doubt

. Born into family__________________________________________.Close throughout life

. Wherever I am at ________________________________________ .Where I want to be

                                                                                                                 NOW!! 

.Straight line from Point A (start) to Point B (finish) without variation on hoped for outcome

When the road gets long we tend to ask why, question ourselves, blame others, complain, get angry, and find many other ways to basically say we want the straight line, the shortest distance, the path of least resistance.

Life – in all it’s mystery – responds with detours, valleys, curves, plateaus and luckily mountain top experiences too.  With each long round about route we take, we stretch and grow becoming more of the person God intends us to be.

In the Talmud we read that “Each blade of grass has an angel that bends over it and whispers, “grow.” 

Our angels are with us on our circuitous journeys as well whispering to us ..."grow!  grow!"

Jeremiah 29:11-14  For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord.  Plans for a future and a hope...

Thank you for reading this week.

IN MY FATHER'S EYES

Many years ago I read a good book called The Blessing by John Trent and Gary Smalley.  The gest of it was how children need their parent’s unconditional love and approval in order to form healthy relationships as they grow into adults.  Integral to this approval are elements of the blessing that need to occur in the young life of every child with the parent offering significant words and actions that communicate to the child their worth.  I was fortunate to have received a blessing from my father however I am well aware that many have not and each year find themselves reluctantly heading into another Father’s Day with ambivalent feelings.   

So to daughters and sons and fathers of all types, I offer two reflections.  The first is what I am calling My Dad-My Hero and the focus is on what I have seen as qualities in a man that rocket them from ordinary father to being the type of dad every kid wants.  The second I am calling My Dad-My Work in Process.  This speaks about our need, and that includes every one of us, to be blessed by our father.  If we have been lucky enough to have been blessed, we been lucky enough.  If not, Father Ron Rolheiser’s article has a wonderful suggestion on what we can now do to begin the healing of that wound. 

MY DAD – MY HERO

I have had the pleasure of watching my husband be a father for 28 years.  In those years, there have been many activities that would qualify him for the “Dad of the Year” award.  However I want to highlight a few of the characteristics that have been consistent throughout the raising of our two children which I believe have launched him into hero status.

Priorities:

Tom’s priorities have always been #1 God  #2 Wife and family  #3 Work.  Although he has owned and run his own business most of his life, he doesn’t confuse these priorities.  He takes time each day to pray and to ask God to make him the man, husband, father and employer God wants him to be.  There is no doubt in his mind or in mine or others who are around us that Tom loves and supports me and his family.  It is said that the best thing a husband can do for his children is to love their mother.  Tom lives this day in and day out.  

Faith-filled:

We have a prayer in our church that parents pray for their children at the Sacrament of Baptism.  https://www.dropbox.com/sh/ji6jrl9u7o44m90/AABbV83NuakXlCBq7ckurUVIa?dl=0When both Matt and Kaitie (our children) were baptized, Tom listened to these words as they were proclaimed for us and he took the words to heart.  He desires to fulfil his sacred duty to pass on the faith to our children.  He never misses Sunday Mass.  They both have seen Tom pray daily either in his favorite living room chair, at his desk, at the kitchen table, with me and/or with them.  By word and example he has tried to lead them in the ways of wisdom.   Tom commends our children to God regularly knowing that although we often talk about our kids as “ours” in truth, they are God’s and pure gift to us.

Friend:

When we were young parents, we attended a class put on by Charlie Langdon of Children’s Home Society.  One of the gems that he taught us that has stayed with us for over 25 years is to always remember when disciplining that our children will only be kids for less than 1/3 of our relationship with them.  He said to be sure to treat them in such a way as to protect the more than 2/3 of the time we will be interacting adult to adult.  Tom not only remembered that when disciplining; he has had that in the forefront of this mind when he has chosen to enjoy time playing with them over making one more sales call or when he took up snowboarding and wake boarding just because that was what they were involved with.  Sometimes it is tricky to know when to be a parent and when to be a friend.  Holding the balance is hero’s work. 

Humility:

Our children watch us at our best and when we trip up.  Tom has been consistent not only in voicing the value of humility but consistently living both humbly and compassionately.  In his own words written many years ago, “A humble and compassionate person is a good person to be around.  People aren’t usually hurt by humble and compassionate people.  I like to hang out with people with these qualities.  I like to work with them and I like to live with them.” 

Fathers who are heros don’t just happen.  They strive to be humble, strike the balance between being a parent and a friend, are faith-filled and they have their priorities in order.  They may not have these all together all the time but the man that aims for these is definitely a hero and his children will rise up and call him blessed.

MY DAD-OUR WORK IN PROCESS

We are responsible for our own health and happiness.  We can choose to travel with baggage or not.  Have you ever noticed people at the airport with a heavy bag hanging from one shoulder and dragging an over-stuffed suitcase with the other hand?  It’s difficult for them to walk as opposed to the person with a light carry all that is walking with ease.  Journeying through life baggage-free is the way to go!  Perhaps your relationship with your father and/or child hasn’t been ideal.  That brings pain, to be sure.  No one is disputing that.  But your choice to stay in the place of blame, anger, feelings of victimization, hurt, or longing is yours.  You can begin to work on your unfinished business even if the other party doesn’t choose to participate.  You owe it to yourself to do this work until you can put closure on the relationship and either enter it more fully or walk away from it in peace.  Father Ron Rolheiser’s article is a fine place to begin.  My prayers are with you.

 http://ronrolheiser.com/struggling-for-our-fathers-blessing/#.V2GkD5fmo2w

Keane, creator of the Family Circus cartoon strip, tells of a time when he was penciling one of his cartoons and his son, Jeffy said, “Daddy, how do you know what to draw?”  I said, “God tells me.”  Jeffy said, “Then why do you keep erasing parts of it?” 

I conclude with this story because I believe we all have a father story worthy of honor.  It has helped form us into the people we are today.  I urge us to resist the tendency to do any erasing.  In fact, my hope is that this Father’s Day will be one in which we can be grateful for the lessens we have learned, hard though some of them certainly are, from the men in our lives.  May it be so.    

PRAYER STARTER # 2

Please reflect on this photograph and let it lead you into prayer.  May you find that imagination and creativity walk alongside you as you hold the image.  

Each month I hope to share with you 1 or 2 of the reflections that my photograph inspired. 

IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO SUBMIT A PRAYER, POEM or REFLECTION 

(and I hope you do) 

PLEASE EMAIL IT TO ME at Lori.Carmody@outlook.com

PRAYER STARTER # 1 

This is a selection from what was submitted in response to the Prayer Starter # 1 (below).  

Lord, I see a unique and challenging bridge before me.  I do trust the people who made this bridge and so I walk across it just as I trust my life to you and walk daily with you.  Jesus, I trust you! 

Amen.

Anonymous,  Issaquah

Note:  A special thanks to the people to submitted prayers for my 1st Prayer Starter.  I neglected to say that you may submit them and request that your name not be used just as this person has asked.  I can use your name, initials, or anonymous...whatever you are comfortable with.  Again, thank you!

MOMENTS OF OUR LIVES

By Lori Carmody

Over the years I have been fortunate to be invited into people’s lives to create rituals at important moments:

• Graduations
• Children turning various ages (5, 13, 16, 18, 21)
• Birthdays (40, 50, 75)
• With grieving parents who have experienced a miscarried
• Ritualizing two families coming together at a second marriage

I have found it to be a sacred honor to share moments such as these with people who wish to bring prayer and the presence of God into the changes that are occurring for them.  Inviting God into their circle of family and friends binds hearts and hands together in openness and grace. 

Since graduation season is upon us, I share with you parts of the ritual that I have used with families who wish to acknowledge and honor an achievement of a friend or family member.  May all who are looking forward to a new beginning turn to God with a grateful heart in remembrance for blessings received and look to both the good Lord and to their community for support and advice as they spread their wings and take flight.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/kecqhksh0xh8dkd/Grad%20Ritual.docx?dl=0

Along with the advice received from those close by, I add the following as sound words of wisdom not just for the newly graduating but for all of us who continue to create a space for the sacred to take root and grow us into the people we are destined to become. 

• Dear Lord, today I thought of the words of Vincent van Gogh, “It is true that there is an ebb and flow, but the sea remains the sea.  “You are the sea.  Although I may experience many ups and downs in my emotions and often feel great shifts in my inner life, you remain the same …..There are days of sadness and days of joy; there are feelings of guilt and feelings of gratitude; there are moments of failure and moments of success; but all of them are embraced by your unwavering love.  My only real temptation is to doubt your love …..to remove myself from the healing radiance of your love.  To do these things is to move into the darkness of despair.  O Lord, sea of love and goodness, let me not fear too much the storms and winds of my daily life, and let me know that there is ebb and flow…..but that the sea remains the sea.  Amen.    ~ Henri J. M. Nouwen, The Sea Remains The Sea

• Love God, love yourself, love others, and be humbled by the privilege.    ~ Author unknown

• God puts mentors in your path.  They may not look like you, or be what you expect.  But they always know more than you, and that’s the whole point.  Use them.  Keep your eyes open.  Mentors transmit the lessons you need to learn.     ~ Father Phil Wallace

• Be in the PRESENT when you want to be happier and more successful.  Focus on what is right now.  Respond to what is important now.  Learn from the PAST when you want to make the present better than the past.  Look at what happened in the past.  Learn something valuable from it.  Do things differently in the present.  Plan for the FUTURE when you want to make the future better than the present.  See what a wonderful future would look like.  Make plans to help it happen.  Put your plan into action in the present.     ~ Spencer Johnson, MD

• “Do not hide your faith and your belief under a bushel basket, especially in this world that seems to have gone mad with political correctness.  These small lessons become the unplanned syllabus for becoming a good citizen and your efforts to live them will help to form the fabric of a civil society and free and prosperous nation where inherent equality and liberty are invaluable.”   ~ Justice Clarence Thomas

• People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.   ~ Maya Angelou

• The first duty of love is to listen.   ~ Paul Tillich

• The greatest man is he who does not lose his child’s heart.    ~ Mencius

PARKER PALMER ON WHETHER OUR OWN LIFE HAS MEANING OR NOT

By Lori Carmody

I plan on having most of the posts on Gathering Grace be my own musings.  However, now and then, when I come across something that I believe is exceptional, I will be sharing the wisdom. 

Parker Palmer is a Quaker elder, educator and author of several books.  One of my favorite is Let Your Life Speak.  I have great respect for his insights. 

I hope you enjoy Parker’s article on the question of whether our life has meaning or not. 

"All that is in my power are my own intentions and my willingness to give myself to them."

"There's much I don's know about birds and trees, but this I know for sure:  they don't wonder or worry about whether their lives have meaning.  They simply be what they be and, in the process, serve people like me who are elevated by their presence."

"Once I understand that I'm not the sun at the center of anyone's solar system, I can step aside, stop casting a shadow everywhere I go, and allow the true sun to shine on everyone and everything..."

http://www.onbeing.org/blog/parker-palmer-the-big-question-does-my-life-have-meaning/8673

SNIFF & SCURRY, SONGS and SURRENDER

By Lori Carmody

Your child receives an unexpected diagnosis.  A relationship falls apart without your seeing it coming.  There are big adjustments at work and they involve you.  Your spiritual grounding disappears.  You have something – it is solid, foundational – and in the blink of an eye it’s not the same.    

Big or small changes…it really doesn’t matter.  Most of us have a difficult time accepting change.  When it presents itself to us, what do we do?  I tend to take the circuitous route to acceptance.  I hem and haw about how the change isn’t fair and how I really don’t want it.  On some level I am sad about my loss of safety (predictability = safety to me) and I get angry about not having the control to put things back “like they are supposed to be.”  I proclaim to those who will listen that this can’t happen because (A) I have worked hard (B) I have been loyal and (C)  blah blah blah.  After praying through my disappointment, anger and pain, I am led to steps that are more beneficial for handling my new normal:

1. A gem of a book tells an allegory about two mice (Sniff & Scurry) and two little people who spend their days in a maze hunting for cheese.  One day someone moves their cheese (cheese = change).  This isn’t a new book but I re-read it recently with new eyes as I processed “cheese” being moved personally and professionally in my life.  It was instrumental in helping me to move past fear and lack of control over what had changed for me and toward the gift of accepting and even welcoming the changes.  WHO MOVED MY CHEESE by Spencer Johnson, MD – a great find!

2.  Somewhere in a book by Brene Brown, Ph.D., she spoke about finding SONGS for times when we are going through hardships.  I remember immediately grabbing onto that suggestion and have been choosing “theme songs” for the events in my life ever since. For example, when I was considering starting this blog, I came face to face with fear.  I had started a few other blogs over the years but I never had the courage to actually post them.  This time I chose a theme song and sang it whenever fear was getting the best of me.  My song?  What Faith Can Do by Kutless https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1JBSQMkQEo .  I would sing out loud (in a sub-par voice!) “Everybody falls sometimes” when I felt badly for the times in the past when I hadn’t enough courage to go public.  I’d belt out “I’ve seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered….” when I would figure out one more part of the site or tell someone about my plans.  Other songs I have claimed over the years:      

·        *     I Believe by Diamond Rio https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EsXpvOUtz3c when my father In law and other beloved family and friends passed away;

·        *     Better than a Hallelujah by Amy Grant https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zi7OXmTmgGg when I am sad;

·        *     Slipping Through My Fingers by Meryl Strepp https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rm5kx3xqmg0 when my youngest (Kaitie) was in her senior year of high school

·        *     Hallelujah by Bon Jovi https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RSJbYWPEaxw  when our friend and neighbor (Kristy) died. 

As Brene says, singing, dancing and laughter help us to show up and be brave.  Try it!

3. Finally I come back around to prayer but in a much different way from the bargaining that I start out with when changes first arrive on my doorstep.  Now, after step # 1 & # 2, instead of asking God to change the situation, I now am able to SURRENDER my agenda and pray for courage to believe that this change will ultimately be for the good of myself and my family.  When Abraham was 90 years old, God invited him to change his address, his family, his work, everything (Genesis 12).  When he told his wife, Sarah, about them having a baby, she laughed  (Genesis 18). This is symbolic of my prayer going forward.  I have the choice to surrender my plans to what God can do with the changes that have emerged or not.  With gratitude for what will be, trust that I have all I need to enjoy the “new cheese” and a bit of humor I step into the new adventure.   

“Life is no straight and easy corridor along which we travel free and unhampered, but a maze of passages, through which we must seek our way, lost and confused, now and again checked in a blind alley.  But always, if we have faith, a door will open for us, not perhaps one that we ourselves would ever have thought of, but one that will ultimately prove good for us.”    ~ A. J. Cronin