TAKING "VICTIM" OFF THE TABLE

By Lori Carmody

To follow up on my last ACCEPTANCE post, I want to mention a familiar happenstance around our home. 

When my kiddos were young and people were coming over for dinner, I would race around cleaning, cooking and preparing for the arrival of our guests.  At those times I would be thinking to myself, “Doesn’t anyone see that I am working like a crazy woman?”  Of course that was usually moments before I would explode in my “Commander in Charge” voice giving out orders for the tasks at hand before our guests would arrive and we all were expected to be in a good mood!  Oh my!  Those times definitely did not earn me awards for Mom of the Year.

Instead, I was allowing myself to be a VICTIM .....

“Can’t they see?” “Don’t they care?”

It took personal work for me to understand and then additional time to own that I was projecting on others what was really my own lack of taking responsibility for what I should have been doing for myself.  I was looking for others to show that they cared for me and expected them to have the intuition to know what I needed at any given time rather than for me to know and trust exactly what I needed for myself and the capability to accomplish it.   

For example, in this scenario,

·        Knowing we were entertaining over the weekend, I could have cleaned the house during the week thus lightening my load on the day of the dinner

·        I could have ASKED for help long before I got stressed

·        I could have taken a few tasks off my self-made to-do list (would the guests even notice or care?)

·        What if I would have changed the plan all together and had the guests for appys and beverages and then we all went out for dinner?  In those days, I wouldn’t have even given myself permission to not work and/or follow the plan I had put forth earlier in the week but how lovely if I had.  Today I certainly would rather do that than get upset and be angry with those around me

·        I could laugh.  I have noticed that when I can lighten up on myself, it moves me to a healthier place and so simply saying to myself “Yup, you’re here again, Lori J”  without criticalness creates space for me to not get in my own way

Eliminating my victimhood is such a good thing both for me and, truthfully, for those around me.   Just ask them.  They will tell you!

How about for you?

Is it a role you play in your family and/or friends?  At work?

If so, I recommend that next time you catch yourself thinking or saying, “Can’t THEY see?” you might ask yourself if YOU are having compassion for YOURSELF.  Once in that place of tender care for yourself, ask what you need.  It is not selfishness.  I promise.  Life will be better with being a victim off the table for you.  Plus the people around you will be grateful for the change they see in you.

Thanks for reading.

Lori

Prayer:  Loving God, help us to love ourselves as well as we love others. 

Action:  Today, I will reign in my “victim” thoughts and choose to take responsibility for myself.

#VictimNoMore  #Self  #Compassion  #Day23